Goodness.

This is my second summer in Korea. Last summer, I fell in love with our students. I fell in love with Asian culture. I left my heart here in Korea and have been longing to be back ever since. I’ve spent the entire last year preparing for this summer—learning the language as best I could, hanging out with Koreans (maybe even stalking them in the grocery store from time to time thinking about what I would try to say to them in Korean if I ever got close enough), trying to make my own versions of Korean food, and praying all the time for our students and their families.

Last summer changed my heart so dramatically that I just couldn’t wait to see what God had in store for this next summer. When I got here, I was so thrilled and excited to be back! Ooh! to taste that first bite of real Korean kimchee and rice or to hug some of those students who at points in the past year I could only know by who they were in my memory.

I finally made it back to Korea and things were just the same… until… they weren’t. My team was bigger, we were spilt up to go into two different schools, spicy foods weren’t so spicy, foreign customs and ways—like squatty potties, no shoes in the house, and little old ladies pushing me out the way on the subway… didn’t seem so unusual. And what about the stories that blew me away last summer or brought me to sobbing tears? I’ve heard them again, and they still hurt, but it’s a familiar sting—a sting that I have clung to over the past year in my praying, or along with my other memories of Korea.

So what’s happened? Maybe some would say the adventure is no longer adventurous… or maybe that the newness has worn off. While this has been a struggle at times, God is faithful, and He has reminded me of the real adventure—sharing His truth and Gospel with those who don’t know… sharing the love that I have been so freely given; this love that all should know.

In my journal a week or so ago I wrote
Today during class, while students were talking amongst themselves, I walked up to S and just stood by her and scratched her back. I started to think about her story. She came to this country with just her grandparents, who have since then died, and is now here all alone. I was reminded of times with my own mother and grandmother just sitting and scratching my back or brushing my hair, and the love that I know is there. I began to wonder, when was the last time someone rubbed her back, or just held her? When was the last time she has felt this sort of love? As I was thinking these things, she reached out and grabbed my hand. I couldn’t help but cling to this moment so much. I felt so unworthy, yet privileged to be able to show her this love. What had I earned to be able to have this moment? Certainly nothing I could do could grant me this privilege.

God has shown me His grace once again. He’s taught me still to rest in Him and wait on Him. He IS faithful. Sometimes my experiences and moments where God has taught me this summer don’t seem as dramatic as last summer, but they certainly are just as significant. And I’ve been reminded of what is the most important… not having the best stories or eating the craziest foods (which are some my favorite things to do!), but showing those who have been through worse than I can imagine—those who may never know the earthly love that I so take for granted—that it doesn’t really matter. We all feel pain and hurt. And we all have a desire and longing for filling of our deepest desire of goodness. That desire that only He can truly satisfy.

Update

Ok... Now that I've gotten all my inspirational thoughts out in that last blog, I can give a basic update for those interested.

Before leaving to come to Korea, we had a week of orientation... a.k.a. bucket bathing, washing clothes by hand, intense security training, killing our own dinner, and then of course eating as much unhealthy southern food as possible before all heading out to Asia to live off of rice and veggies all summer.
But in all seriousness, this week really went great! I felt so prepared to fully serve God as I headed out.

Then the travel began. I arrived the place I was staying around midnight and was up and at 'em the next morning for our first day of school! The first few days were full of busy-ness and shuffling around, but we were all settled soon enough.

However, the next Monday I was headed to Cheonan. We split our team of team up so 7 could serve in Seoul and 3 (me and two other girls) could serve in Cheonan. The school we are at now has the same name as the other school, it's just in a different location a little further outside the big city of Seoul. (So instead of being in Seoul: population 25 million, I'm in the not-quite-as-big city of Cheonan: population 100,000!)

The campus we are at couldn't be better! It is located right outside of the city of Cheonan on a very small seminary campus. The weather is a little cooler than Seoul, and there are mountains and city buildings all in one view.

To be honest, I was a little nervous about being here at first just because it was the unkown. I knew the students, teachers, and the rest of my team in Seoul, and I had no idea of what to expect when leaving that little comfort zone. However, as soon as we arrived here the three of us all felt a peace and experienced confirmation from God that this is indeed where he wants us to be!

This is our second week in Cheonan now. We've already traveled back to Seoul twice (which there and back are about 3 and 4 hours commutes respectively)! We'll do this mostly on weekends, but we hope to be able to stay some weekends here as well. I mean, who wouldn't want to be on a tiny campus full of seminary students where you are literally the talk of the school?! heehee.. just joking... but all three of us have really fallen in love with God's life and work for us here in Cheonan.

Familiar

Yesterday I sat on the steps of the school, listening to the boys play "Hosanna" on the occarinas while looking off at th mountains in the distance. We all knew the song... as long as no one sang the words. So they played and I hummed, without any sort of linguistic or cultural barrier standing in our way.

As I sit in the cool weather, I stare off into the distance, admiring the beaty of the misty mountains and the city buildings still further off. I think about where I am. It's amazing to be back here in this place; for the rest of my physical body to finally join my heart again, where I left if-- with these students, halfway around the world, so far away from the country and culture I call home.

The word Korea no longer sounds foreign to my ears. No matter how many times I say it...
Of courseI still get plenty of stares because I'm white or because I look lost (or because I really am lost and I'm speaking such broken Korean that all I can do is make people laugh); and everyone may assume that the only thing I ever want to eat is hamburgers or pizza; and people will think I'm dirty because I forget to take my shoes off in the house. It seems I am constantly reminded that I am a foreigner, that I really don't belong.

But for this time and season, God has drawn my heart and called me to be here. Although I may still be foreign to Korea, Korea is no longer foreign to me.

<3

Helpless.

Sometimes when I think about those suffering in different places around the world I feel as if there is so little that I can actually do. I know I shouldn't feel bad, that I should do all that I can and trust God to use a willing and obedient heart... but I often feel helpless.

Then I open my eyes and see helplessness all around me; even in those who don't see it in themselves. Yet so often the only thing standing in my way from following Him is me. Is there really a better place for me to be? A more effective place for God to use me than where I am? In the center of His will, step by step, following His lead in complete and full surrender and submission; no matter when; no matter where.

A great start....

.... to a great day.

As I sit here eating oatmeal (which was half plain/half sweet cause all the sugar was stuck at the bottom making the last few bites overpoweringly sweet!), looking around my packed-up-almost-empty-room, I am able to finally slow down for a few minutes.

With this past month of school, and now finals week upon me, it's been some of the busiest most cram packed full days of my life! But now there's only one left (which I definitely won't be trying to study for til at least the morning of ;) as any true college student would with all this free time til then), and all I really have to do is wait around til it's time for my plane ride home in 3 days. And in the quiet of waiting, a wonderful song come across my Pandora list.

What a great reminder of all that my life here on earth really is.

In the morning, when I rise
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I am alone,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus

When I come to die,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus

Blessed.

Tonight I had the chance to talk with a friend from school who recently graduated and is now attending Southeastern Seminary. I kind of jumped into a conversation she was already having with some Korean girls about introducing them to Asian guys at her seminary (always an interesting topic of course!)

The conversation soon turned to talk about Christian lifestyle. We progressed from one issue to another on the topic as the evening continued on. One thing we discussed is how as servants of Christ, we do not desire what most people chase after in this life. This led to materialism, to giving to those who are less fortunate, to the fact that sometimes that means sacrifice and not necessarily what we can seem to afford. Now this topic is really something that makes my heart stir. I was reminded once again of how as Americans (or just people who are a part of cultures where it is more common to live a "comfortable" life), we either (A). tend to see ourselves as blessed; or (B). don't realize our need for God.

These are both thoughts that I've wrestled with in the past to reconcile in my own mind.

First of all... A. We tend to see ourselves as very blessed.

Of course, I would agree with the statement that we are blessed people. But what exactly is it that constitutes us as blessed? The fact that we are comfortable? rich? happy? or even American? If any of these are the case, then what about everyone else? Are they just not blessed? Are they not any of these things because God loves them any less than He loves me? Did he strategically place me in one of the richest cultures in the world because I'm significantly more special than they?

I somehow doubt these things.

Then... B. We don't realize our need for God.

Life in places like America is a lot easier than many other places in the world. This even applies to how much easier it is to forget about God. I think that because we are taught that it's all about making sure that we are safe and sound, happy and secure, we can ensure the false reality that we don't actually need God. As if because we really can make it all on our own. It's like we aren't ever really faced with a situation where we need to depend on God because we are so self-dependent.

What a trap we've set for ourselves in being deceived into thinking this is the way things should be. However, I found my solutions to these dilemmas reading my Bible while at a kids camp in Korea (hiding by myself in a room away from the kids... skipping my leader Bible study... but that's another story for another day... )in James 2:8

"... has God not chosen the poor in this world to be rich in faith?"

This opened my eyes to who is truly blessed.

Hangukmal jusayo! 한국말 주세요! Give me Korean!

So... ever since spring break, it seems that school has been busier than ever! It didn't seem that I could finish anything that I had begun, all the while having a continuous flow of additional projects, tests, and due dates piling on and demanding more and more of my time.

With all of these pressing deadlines to meet, Korean study became less important as it got pushed further to the side with every passing week. And just when it began to feel as if my learning was gradually coming to a halt, I returned to class! (after 2 missed weeks plus one cancelled week)

I learned a new sentence... 지난주에 레이쳘이 바쁘습니다 그래서 안왔습니다.

(Last week Rachel was busy so she didn't come.)

Even though at the beginning of this class I felt as discouraged as ever about my Korean, my mood somehow lifted by the end of the class. I started class feeling already defeated, as if there was no way I could catch up and understand so quickly. But it turned out that things weren't so difficult this week, and I was really enjoying learning more.

Then came this weekend... Fort Caswell. Fort Caswell is a state-wide international student conference that takes place at the beach in North Carolina every spring. I met a guy there who speaks Korean... an American guy. He began learning Korean four years ago because his girlfriend is from Korea, and although he's only been to Korea one time, only for 10 days, his Korean seemed pretty great to me.

Anyways.. he pretty much spoke to me in Korean the majority of the time I was around him and even forced me to speak it back to him...

"한국말 주세요!" "Give me Korean!" he would say. So I tried. I got a lot wrong, but I really feel as if I'm beginning to understand a lot more of what I hear spoken. I also started to feel more comfortable with just speaking what was on my mind using the little Korean I know, which I think will be the key to me learning more and communicating this summer!

So c-c-c-c-cold!

Last weekend I went on a camping trip! It was lots of fun... hiking through the woods, roasting hot dogs and smores over the fire, catching fish in the river and cooking them, listening to music, playing cards.

Until... it got dark. At first it wasn't so bad. We had a nice little campfire burning, and if you weren't close to it, you could easily stay warm enough with a blanket. Even when the time came to go to bed. We were cold, but we were able to quickly fall asleep. Just a few short hours later, one by one we all began to wake up because we were unbearably cold. At this point, no one could even fall back asleep because we were all so freezing. We did the only logical thing to do in this situation with 8 people in one tent... that's right... we starting snuggling and spooning just for the warmth. (Laugh if you may, but this really works!)

Anyway... while we were all laying there whining about the cold, all I could think about was the story of a close friend of mine from last summer. She and her family wandered for 50 days in the Mongolian desert. I couldn't take my cold seriously knowing that in less than 24 hours, I would return to my comfy life where I rarely suffer such inconveniences. How might my mindset be different if faced with this as my fate? What I mean by that is, what must it be like to be in this kind of situation, not knowing how long it would last? Confronting the fact that I can travel only by foot carrying everything I own... those with me are the only ones I may ever really be able to trust again... if we all make it...

And now as I put all of this together into words and paragraphs, it strikes me that this indeed is the life of a sojouner.

Do they see?

It's times like these when I begin to question. The times that I begin to feel that I might just have it all together. I'm not really talking about questioning my faith or anything like that, but more of the application I guess. I just finished my last HUGE round of tests before finals, and now I sit back and think, "Whew, glad that's over..." but I can't just leave it at that of course...

I think further into it, to things more like, what will all this really matter? Why do I try and try and learn and cram all for a piece of paper that proves that I'm capable of learning how to do something? Where do I want to end up, and what do I want to be? and even more importantly, where does God want me to end up, and how to I go about living my life in that direction now? When I say the times I begin to feel I might just have it all together, what I really mean is, those times when I suddenly realize how far I am from that and how impossible it is for me to ever actually reach that.

Yet I struggle with the things that hold me back. Sometimes I can't even seem to figure out exactly what they are, but there are always those things that I allow to hold me back from freely giving my all.

Sometimes I feel I'll be such a failure if I don't follow God the right way... as if I miss one little turn in the road then I'm doomed. But when will I realize that it's the little things that make up the big picture?

Relationships I've allowed to remain broken...

Things I said that I shouldn't have...

Things I should have said but didn't...

The lonely and hurting person I brushed right past...

Inhibition I allow to control me...

Ignoring His call those times when I certainly heard it...

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

Father please forgive me for I can not compose
The fear that lives within me
Or the rate at which it grows
If struggle has a purpose

On the narrow road you've carved
Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar

Do they see the fear in my eyes?

Are they so revealing?

This time I cannot disguise all the doubt I'm feeling


What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

-DC Talk

Cravings for Kimchee

As I sit here in my room. trying to memorize all the muscles in the lower extremity of the body, I can't help but stare off and daydream. I look at the handkerchief that hangs on my wall, signed by all of the students and staff from our schooll. I'm taken back to that place and I go over every name on the handkerchief, remembering each student, what her hair looked like, what his favorite ice cream was, all of the time spent together over the course of last summer.

Now it seems so far away and so long ago...

While I want to put all that I can into what I'm pursing at the moment, I can't suppress the persistent deeper desire to return to what seems more and more like an apparition with every passing day.

66 days...

Value of a Sparrow

As I was reading of Jesus' commissioning of the original 12 (Matthew 10), I was struck with the truth that as a missionary, disciple, minister, follower of Jesus Christ, this is my calling as well.

"...but go to the lost sheep... you received without paying, give without pay... And if anyone will not receive you, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town...

...be wise as serpents, and innocent as doves... do not be anxious how you are to speak of what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you... and you will be hated for My name's sake...

...So have no fear... And not one sparrow falls to the ground apart from the Father... you are of more value than many sparrows...

...Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

I cannot call myself His yet live as something else.

93 days...

It was a Monday...

-Woke up at 8am for my 8am class...

-Put my pants on backwards...

-Found out that a favorite old tee shirt has holes in it (because I also wore it! with the holes, which grew, all day long)...

-Didn't turn in my homework because I thought it was due next Monday (which turns out to be whole nother assignment that I'll have to work on)...

-Spent $10 shipping an item I just sold on Ebay for $12...

-Missed out on an opportunity to walk to class with a cute guy because I was too preoccupied trying to figure out how to print the $10 shipping label...

-Missed lunch because I was shipping the item I sold for a total profit of $2...

-Got back a test... no more needs to be said on that one...

-Broke out in a popliteal rash from the fabric of the previously mentioned backward pants...

(I succumb to the fact that it's me vs. Monday, and Monday is winning)

+I head home for an afternoon of homework and notice the beautiful weather...

+I finish my homework quicker than expected and have time to stretch and listen to music...

+My best friend joins me for a delicious dinner of leftovers...

+I have a great Encounter meeting...

+I go to my other best friend's apartment and we make a cake (while studying of course)...

+I have to walk home, and it's not freezing...

+I decide at 10pm to head to the gym and end up walking for 2.5 miles...

+I meet a new friend at the gym and we share travel stories...

+I'm about to read my Bible before I go to bed...

= not such a bad Monday.

12:01 am Tuesday.

Korea's Sunny Side

So I made a new Korean friend this year at school. After only meeting with Sunny a few times at the beginning of this past fall semester, I asked if she would mind getting together once a week or so to help me out a little bit with my Korean. After about two weeks of the class being just Sunny, her roommate, and I, the class exploded. Since then we've consistently been meeting on Sunday nights, and what started out as a couple of people getting together has turned into 2 classes of about 8 total students.

I don't know how to thank enough or how I can show her how much I appreciate what she's done to help me! She's been such a great teacher, and I've really learned a lot. (I've even been neglecting school work at times on Sunday afternoons to make sure I get my Korean assignment finished in time! heehee)

Another time, a few weeks ago, I pretty much invited myself over for lunch to Sunny's apartment. She graciously accepted the my own invitation for her to cook Korean food for me, even though looking back I think she may have been pretty busy that weekend.. oops!

Regardless, she whipped up this delicious meal that we shared together! (And she says she's never really cooked before...)

Thanks Sunny!!

100 Day Countdown!

So I was informed today that in exactly 100 days from today I will be arriving at our debrief in Alabama before heading to Seoul for the summer! I was so excited I literally had to hold onto my chair so I didn't get up and start jumping around my room!

So 100 days left of preparation. But I was later reminded in the midst of my busy day of the most important part of preparing for a summer on mission. I met with a friend who is preparing for a summer in Africa. It will be her first time overseas, and we were talking about what she might expect. She said that she just didn't know what to expect and what to do to best prepare. I then began to think of myself a year ago and what I was anticipating my coming summer to be. I remember feeling inadequate and unworthy of the task set before me.

Now I feel like I know somewhat of what I should expect, but I'm beginning to think there is potential danger in having this confidence. The last thing I want to do is forget that there really is nothing that qualifies me for this job outside of the fact that I am Christ's willing servant. He could just as easily accomplish His purpose without me involved in the least.

So how do I best prepare? Knowing or not knowing, being ready or not, I think some sound advice can be found in Micah 6:8

"... And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

What else could make me more ready?!

"He felt their pain."

A friend from this summer called me up today and shared the following story with me...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34611705/ns/world_news-asiapacific/

In short, the story is about a 28 year old Korean American missionary who has been in Seoul since June 2008. He planned on being there a month or so, but felt compelled to stay after getting involved in refugee work. Since then he has been in Seoul as well as in and out of China working to help refugees.

He knew good and well that this work in China was very dangerous, but that's not what mattered to him. So on Christmas Eve, he attempted to illegally cross into the North. He crossed over the icy river with a letter to the leader himself, crying out for peoples' freedom. He has not been heard from since. It is suspected that he is mostly likely now being detained by the government. The story also mentions that when his parents began to have feelings of what he may be up to, that they told him to keep doing what he had been in Seoul, where he was safe.

"Why in the world would he put himself in this situation?" is the question that most of us want to ask. Why would he leave this comfortable, easy life of the few?

I try to put myself in this situation (well not this situation [don't worry Mom]), and wonder what I would do. When everyone seems to be against me. The Spirit is telling me to go one way, yet everyone is telling me otherwise... even those who may seem to know better. What do I do? ...what seems to make sense or what I know I'm supposed to do even when I'm not sure why...

The following was quoted from an email Park sent to his parents on the 23rd of December:

"Know that I am the happiest in all my life... Incredible miracles are happening in the liberation of North Koreans right now.... We are going to see a big and beautiful change in Korea and in the World this year!"

Robert Park set out to raise awareness of what is really going on, and now, because of his sacrifice, their story is reaching countless masses. It is, after all, because of HIS sacrifice that any of us may receive the freedom which determines the value of it all in the end. So what will we do?

Entertaining Angels

Before I came home for Christmas break I took a little trip up to Indiana to visit an old friend from last summer. Indiana is a lot colder than Louisiana, so there was a little blizzard that got in the way of my original travel plans home... 2 short flights turned into 4 flights and getting home four hours later!

I boarded my third flight of the day, from Baltimore to Orlando and sat in between two unsuscpecting ladies who seemed harmless enough. Neither of them really spoke to me, which, at this point, I considered a good thing. I couldn't count how many times I had already been asked that day the same string of questions you get from strangers you meet while traveling... "Where are you going...
Oh, where are you in school...
Well what are you studying...
Kinesiology? Um, that would be...
Well, what do you do with that...

Missions, huh, well-- (fillin the blank with their opinion of where that would get me)."

Maybe now it would at least be a little easier to get a good nap in, especially since it had just gotten dark outside. All three of us dozed off and on until the flight attendant came by to bring us some snacks. I ate a few Cheese Nips and then offered my Southwest honey roasted peanuts to the woman on my right in the window seat. "You don't like peanuts?" she asked. "Sure, I'll take them, thank you." I really do like peanuts, but no matter, that was unneccesary talk.

This was the extent of our conversation, until something sparked it... that string of questions. But at some point in the procession of it all, I began to feel at ease. This woman had a very comforting spirit about her. She was so easy to be around and just easy to talk to. I really felt like she was considering everything I was saying, not just speculating from her own point of view at what I, to her just some young college girl, was doing with my life.

Essentially what I ended up telling her is that I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I have ideas, and I am trying my best to follow Christ, but I'm not exactly sure where He is leading me. I shared with her my heart for culture, diversity, and language. I told her all about Korea and my plans to return. In the end she said, "He's putting it in your heart right now. Just keep following Him, and He'll show it to you. He'll take you where you need to be."

By the time our flight was done, we had traded stories and email addresses. I had told her all about Katrina, and she had shared her experiences with 9/11. But deeper than all of that, I knew that God had placed my by someone special on this flight. The connection was there.... because Mrs. D and I really are family... sister in Christ! Another of His followers to give me a little extra encouragment in my journey. Before she got off the plane (where I was to remain for the very last leg of my treck to New Orleans), we hugged and said goodbye, nice to meet you, etc... but I couldn't help but think to myself of the verse in Hebrews 13:2 which says, "Don't forget to show hospitality to strangers, for in doing so, some have entertained angels without knowing it."

Blogger Revived!

I sit here pondering what to say... what to write to get back into the blog that I started just about a year ago. I first began keeping this blog because after a close friend of mine started blogging. (Thanks Mer!) I wasn't sure what exactly I would blog about, or if my life could be interesting enough for people to want to actually take time out of their day to read. So I decided to blog about a huge adventure that was awaiting me. That adventure has come and gone, but in another sense it is still such a real part of my life. It changed my life and many of my priorities. It is now what consumes much of my day to day thoughts and conversation. Now I can only wonder why it took me as long as it did to hear God calling me back to Seoul next summer.

A couple of months ago I began throwing around ideas of what I might spend my time doing next summer... knowing that if I was going to anything other than just getting a summer job, I should probably start thinking about it sooner than later. I had many mediocre ideas, none of which really holding my attention. I actually felt somewhat wary about getting too excited about any of these ideas because I hadn't really started praying about any of them, and I knew I couldn't seriously consider any of these before I had lifted it all up in prayer. So after a week of really asking God to reveal to me what He would have me do, I was offered different mission trip opportunities, which I began to think might be the right answer. Still none of these really gripped my heart. Suddenly one night, while talking on the phone to a team member from Seoul, I felt as if God was telling me that I would return to Seoul next summer. I went to my room where all I could manage to do was pray and cry.

I later explained all of this to a friend who replied, "Well wasn't it obvious?" I stopped and thought for a moment... and it did seem pretty obvious. Now that Korea took up the majority of my thoughts, why hadn't I seen that, of course, this is where God wants me to go? I think often times we can be looking so hard for what God wants us to do or where He wants us to go that we so easily miss what He's trying to tell us in those sweet, still whispers.

So now the new adventure begins... or maybe it just continues! So back to Seoul next summer, and blogging too ;)

Language of Love

Yesterday was our last day at school. We had a mushy gushy ceremony where the students sang to us in Korean and we each got to share one last teary message with them. They gave us little gifts, and we finished with a very unsugary cake for all the summer birthdays. It was good... sweet, sentimental.. everything it should have been.

Then a few minutes later as everyone was mingling and saying more goodbyes, Leah, a student that I've gown pretty close to, pulled me and Kayla aside to talk to us alone. "Story," she said. She wanted to tell us a story, but she wanted to be able to tell it in her language so she could really express herself well. So, we found someone to translate.

Leah said that she didn't like us at the beginning of the summer. She had only been at the school for a month and barely even knew the alphabet. All we would do was speak English to her, which mad her feel sad, angry, and frustrated. But, she said we persisted to love her and so she began to want to learn so she could speak to us. Our team grew on her, but Kayla and I had a special place in her heart because of the way we had befriended her. Then with tears in her big brown eyes she said that she knew it's inevitable that we would be leaving soon, but that she wanted us to go back home, study, do well in school, and have good lives. She said she would pray for us everyday and pray that we would one day get to meet again.

Tears filled my eyes, and I could see in Leah's face one reason why God has brought me to South Korea this summer.

Leah has learned over 600 words just since we've been here and speaks to me more than any of the other students.

I remember meeting Leah and after just a few days her saying with a big frown, "I am sad. I cannot speak English." I told her we would teach her. Not long after that, I began to notice improvements in her Enligh every day. Every morning Leah would ask me, "Did you have breakfastee?" Leah's a tiny little thing with a big smile on her face every day. "Happy everyday!" she always says. She would go around saying "I piggy" after I called her a pig one day when she downed 6 pork chops at lunch. She's the only Korean I know that won't eat rice. "Rice no delicious." I think she just wanted as much room as she could for delicious foods. She would always make fun of the hair on my arms.. hair down, she calls it, like a down comforter I guess. My favorite thing about Leah was every time I would see her she would hug me so tight and say, "I miss you."

Better to Give

Over the course of the summer I feel God has been dealing with my heart about living a sacrificial life. All too often we live with only one person in mind. ME, ME, ME. We wake up every day, go to job/school with the intentions of making money/gaining knowledge in order to make money, drive our cars, entertain ourselves with TV, computer, books, friends, hobbies, or even studying. Now while none of these things in themselves are the root of selfishness, I think it is our ambitions that are... or can be.

All of this makes me ask myself... When was the last time I did something in which I would receive no benefit? When did I last do something completely for someone else's gain?

Last Friday I walked to a stationary store and came back to school with a cute new notebook with a picture of the map of Asia on the cover. I loved my new notebook, and I even told myself that every time I used it I could be reminded to pray for the 10/40 window. (Let me tell you I had big plans for this notebook!) As I was showing a teammate of mine, a student walks up and says, (in Konglish-- Korean/English mix) "I like that. Can I have it?" Everything inside of me wanted to say, "Of course not.. I just bought this cute little notebook to bring back to America so I could be reminded to pray for your country!" But instead I just gritted my teeth and said, "Sure! Of course you can have it." Then she sat me down to help her with Enlish. After about an hour of going through dissecting and explaining about 10 little sentences she opens up that notebook I just handed over and begins to fill the pages with all of the words I just helped her to understand.

I felt unmeasurably blessed (even without my new notebook) knowing that somehow, even if she never remembers who I am, something that I did, that really cost me nothing, has reached out and helped someone else. What if we all lived like this every day, with every action? We would either all have a lot of new notebooks or we could possibly reach people we have never dreamed reachable all through a never-ending chain of Christ's love flowing through us.

I then began to take notice of all the things that were done for me, just in that one day, that I paid nothing for yet only received the benefit of. I was given a free ticket to Lotte World. People tried so hard all day to communicate with me, even though I was the only one in the group that didn't know Korean. Someone shared there small umbrella with me, and another person, which resulted in everyone still getting wet. Teachers were concerned I would catch a cold because I was wet. I was given tissues, yes.. tissues.. to dry off because I was soaking wet. A teacher bought me a whole dinner, and when I got to the table to sit, I realized he was sharing his dinner already with a student. And a random 12 year old girl in a line for a ride shared candy with me! All in one little day at Lotte World.

What will I do when I go home? Will I sink back into my same old routine? Or will I remain in this challenged state I find myself in here? I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to convict me, and that my Christian friends will hold me accountable to this great calling.

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Uhn-nee

Now for some girl time.

Yesterday, our only male teammember stayed home the first half of the day for a little extra rest. This gave us girls a chance to do something that I believe is often overlooked in Christian communities. Instead of our daily Bible study, we ended up spending some time confessing to each other some of our deepest darkest sins.
In the midst of a culture (both here and in the U.S.) that feeds us the lies of all that matters is what we look like on the outside, it can be hard to really open up and be vulnerable to others, even in the church. But this time we shared together was one of the best times this summer. A loved one of mine once told me when you tell someone about a problem, it cuts it in half. When you tell someone else, it cuts it in half again. And so on. To be able to come together with these other girls and honestly open up was both releiving and refreshing. I would encourage everyone to find someone you can trust to confess to. You may find out you're not the only one struggling with that secret sin.
Then I accidently read ahead to the verse that was supposed to be for the next day in Acts 19:18,30 which says, "...many of those who were believers came, confessing...so the Lord continued to increase and prevail mightily." But maybe there are no accidents.

Later that day before I left school, one of the students that has really been on my heart lately, H, hugged me when I was telling her bye and said, "I miss you this weekend. My uhn-nee, I love you." Talk about make my heart melt. All I could do was hug this tiny girl so tight and try not to cry.

The day only continued to get better. Laura and I left school early to cook American dinner for our slumber party. We made spaghetti and peas, which everyone seemed to love. But I didn't anticipate how difficult a slumber party could be with 2 bunches of girls from completely different cultures. At first, they didn't like our games, and things seemed a little slow. But sooner or later after a round of Spoons, things loosened up and became a lot more fun. We played cards, did nails, listened to music and danced. We even got to make American brownies... in bowls in the microwave, which no one seemed all that fond of, except for us American girls who gobbled them up.

Uhn-nee is a term used by Korean girls when talking to other girls who they are close to or just friends with. Uhn-nee translated literally means sister. I'm so grateful for all of my newfound Uhn-nee here on this side of the world.