Friday, April 9, 2010

Do they see?

It's times like these when I begin to question. The times that I begin to feel that I might just have it all together. I'm not really talking about questioning my faith or anything like that, but more of the application I guess. I just finished my last HUGE round of tests before finals, and now I sit back and think, "Whew, glad that's over..." but I can't just leave it at that of course...

I think further into it, to things more like, what will all this really matter? Why do I try and try and learn and cram all for a piece of paper that proves that I'm capable of learning how to do something? Where do I want to end up, and what do I want to be? and even more importantly, where does God want me to end up, and how to I go about living my life in that direction now? When I say the times I begin to feel I might just have it all together, what I really mean is, those times when I suddenly realize how far I am from that and how impossible it is for me to ever actually reach that.

Yet I struggle with the things that hold me back. Sometimes I can't even seem to figure out exactly what they are, but there are always those things that I allow to hold me back from freely giving my all.

Sometimes I feel I'll be such a failure if I don't follow God the right way... as if I miss one little turn in the road then I'm doomed. But when will I realize that it's the little things that make up the big picture?

Relationships I've allowed to remain broken...
Things I said that I shouldn't have...
Things I should have said but didn't...
The lonely and hurting person I brushed right past...
Inhibition I allow to control me...
Ignoring His call those times when I certainly heard it...



What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

Father please forgive me for I can not compose
The fear that lives within me
Or the rate at which it grows
If struggle has a purpose
On the narrow road you've carved
Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar

Do they see the fear in my eyes?
Are they so revealing?
This time I cannot disguise all the doubt I'm feeling


What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?
-DC Talk

1 comment:

  1. "Sometimes I feel I'll be such a failure if I don't follow God the right way... as if I miss one little turn in the road then I'm doomed. But when will I realize that it's the little things that make up the big picture?"

    I think that this is an assumption that many people have about their lives that is more of a panicing paranioa than a reality. There are very few things you can do that will screw up your future for the rest of your life (and most of those amount to really really foolish things like driving drunk or robbing a bank, etc). It is true that mistakes are commonplace in a person's life but think of God as a master chessplayer against an ametuer (i.e. us). We make moves on the chessboard and the master responds accordingly, but the master is always in control of the game...

    Grace of God be with you

    Joshua

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